Goodbye 2011!

Hula. Asalamualaikum.

So here we are at the end of the year. The famous 31st december where most of the human beings will reminisce what they have done for the whole 2011. The mistakes, regrets are memories made. Ah tetibe lagu Adele pulak masuk. I myself would like to take time and muhasabah diri remembering the good deeds and sins i've made since January 2011 until today.

I started this year very badly with heart broke into pieces over the news that the person i was in love with, engaged with someone else. It was really bad that it changed me to the worst person i could be.

I felt devastated, betrayed, hopeless, depressed and all the negativity feelings in the world combined together. I stopped believe in love. And life. I forgot the purpose why i was brought into the life. I was angry with myself, everyone and God. I thought of suicidal most of the time. Only busy working life kept me sane.

I dated a lot of guys. I did it because i want to break their hearts. I thought it will satisfy me but it never did. I couldnt find peace. I became more miserable.

Along the way, i met all kind of guys. The good and the worst. None of the relationship means anything to me. To those people who i've hurt, i am deeply sorry. To lelaki paling jahat pernah aku jumpe i wish u will get burnt in hell because you deserve it. You know you deserve it. Hah. Emosi.

But after a while i get bored with playing hearts. So i quit. I spent most of the time with myself. I learnt to be independent. Until at one point, i find it comfortable eating alone, shop alone, watch movie alone. Huyeah. Thats when i rise. And rise. The lamb transformed into lion. (quote dr robin hood)

I started to accept the fact that im not destined to be with him. And when he finally married in July, i myself surprised i did not shed a single tear.

2011 is the year i started using foul language verbally. I cursed so much that it had replace my Zikr and prayers in daily life. It was the darkest time of my life. I became rude impatient arrogant people.

2011 is also the year i become a selfish person. My aim was to seek happiness. I want nothing but my own happiness. I did not bother to care for other people's heart. And i get rid of those people who hurt me. I dont see the point keeping people who always put me down. Somehow, it works. I manage to find back the serenity.

Although it started with bumpy and rocky road, It slowly gets better with time. I manage to find many good friends in hospital. With their help i regained back my power to live. I tried to reach to God again. Slowly.

I had plenty of good times spent with my friends. The trip to Bangkok, Singapore. All the amazing dinner at Tony Romas, Ben's, Chilis, the hotels. Did Bungee jumping! Met few guys who are sincere. Sadly my heart is only for myself.

I learnt a lot at hospital. The career is going well. I get to do so many cool stuff insert line in baby, old ppl, assisst operation, etc. I met variety of people. And when i see sick people, i feel lucky that i am still alive and healthy. It is good that my times are fully used at work so by the time i reach home i am too exhausted to be sad.

Not to forget the awesome raya with big family. And lots and lots of wedding to attend. My first and last time of being bridesmaid also happen in 2011. Plenty of happiness.

Reaching to the end of the year, i became more stable. And contented again with life. I tried to accept the fate as it is. And get rid of all the negativity in life. I train myself to become more patient, train my emotion to become more stable. I become happier.

So now despite all the lubang2 road at early of the year. I learnt a lot. like a lot. I do still have trust issue but i believe it will fades away with time. And hope much bigger fortune awaits for me next year. Huyeah.

Nuff repeks.

The End.