Kinda Chic To Be Me

After days of feeling meh, i came across this post and thinking if there's one thing I did right in life, it was becoming a doctor.

Here are my top 10 memories being a doctor:

1. Conducted delivery of babies. 

Having that little head coming out of their mommy and into my hands.. are the best feeling in the world. There's something surreal about being the first person to hold a new life as it enters the world.

2. Intubating a patient like i was in a horror movie.

I was oncall on morning of first day Raya. A lady had just transfered into my ward when she suddenly collapsed as the nurse wheeled her in. She had been coughing lots of blood seconds before she collapsed. i knew i had to intubate her A.S.A.P. And.. the suction port on the wall wasn't working! So there i was literally using my fingers to scoop blood clots out of her mouth so i can get good a clear view of her airway! I scoop and scoop and it was so bloody then i saw it. Inserted the ETT tube, connected the airbag, listened to air entry, it’s IN! It was one of the most chaotic, bloody and unforgettable moments of my career.

3. Cardioverted patient with SVT. 

Just like in the movie,  I said "You clear, I clear, everybody clear!" ZASsss. Shock delivered. And then you wait for the rhythm to come back. The adrenaline rush. Chef's kiss. 

4. Doing procedures on humans. Pleural tap, peritoneal tap, lumbar puncture, bone marrow aspiration, fem cath, neck line. There was a period in my life poking people with needles, tubes and oh fingers was just.. part of the job.

5. CPR patients! 

Okay this one is not exactly my favourite. Usually i prefer to be the one who lead/intubate/administer adrenaline. Not the one who do CPR cuz it's HARD. It took a lot of efforts and u get tired easily if u have poor endurance and strength. And i'm a baby. But there's something incredibly humbling about standing in resuscitation room with everyone working together, trying to bring someone back. 

6. Did surgery. 

Okay maybe not a big one. Just a simple appendicectomy, or lump excision. I dont have it in me to cut beyond that. But could also because i didnt get much opportunity. But I love being in the Operation Theatre, to the extent witnessing my own C-section didn't scare me. Have you ever seen the internal organs? I have. I remember once in the middle of a heart surgery, a cardiothoracic surgeon asked, “Do you know what is the difference between me and cardiologist? I…touch the heart.” (then he literally soft poke the heart) I whispered under my breath..Lame, but it’s a good one!

7. Patients thanking you for saving them even though most of the time it’s a team work. Once a patient bought me an air fryer because I advise him to use one to reduce his cholesterol. He said, since he was buying one, might as well he bought for me too. And then I changed hospital and no longer follow him up. A few years ago, the air fryer broke down. And somehow, when I looked at it I had this strange feeling that it's owner might have passed away. I checked and I was right. May your roh be amoung the pious, Pak Wan. 

8. The feeling of postcall after a 24 hours active call is one of the most rewarding feeling ever. It feels like you are a superhuman who did such a noble job while other ppl sleeping comfortably in their bed. But now age is catching up, active call is not something that i ever wanna do again.

9. My biggest oncall scare.

Had a patient jump out the window when I was oncall. Not the best memory but one I will never forget. Dealing with aftermath of something tragic and u just have to hold everything together on your own. There was staff, police, family members, hosp director. I even had to attend counselling session for that. I remember when the counselor asked me, "How do you feel?" and i wanted to reply "I feel nothing" but i think it's inappropriate. So i said, "Sad..but nothing I can do that can bring her back". After dealing with so many deaths, sometimes you cant help to become numb to it. You just learn to keep going. Kinda reminds me i signed death cert more than i ever did with birth cert..

10. Work during COVID era. 

Working in an acute ward during COVID was something else. Being there for patients on their death bed while their families could only communicate with them through video call..was heartbreaking. And sometimes all I can do was just be there. To make sure they are not alone.

So yes kinda chic to be me,

To be a doctor. 

And have all this wonderful experience that money cant buy.