Back In Bed

 I thought being sick would only deal with fever, body aches and physical exhaustion. I didn’t expect it to open a door to emotions that I neglected for so long.

Since Tuesday, I have spent more time in bed more than usual. With everything slowing down, the thoughts became louder. The thoughts that usually buried beneath endless responsibilities.

I cried a lot this week. Not because of the physical pain. There’s just a sudden wave of sadness came over me.

And whenever i fall into this rabbit hole, I tend to distance myself from people. I avoid calls and conversation, muted all the groups, ignore the Dms. Not because i dont value the concern, but because I was too caught up with my thoughts and emotions.

Being sick reminded me that I have been surviving by staying in motion. Work, kids, exercises have helped me keep going. But it also become a way for me to avoid sitting with the pain.

Maybe this is a reminder for me not to runaway from it but rather sit with it and acknowledge the pain. And listen to what my heart is trying to tell me.

Or..could this be just another cycle of PMS