Mak

A quote I came across today that made me stop scrolling:

"Today your mother is 55 years old. If she lives until 70, you may only have 15 more years with her. If you only go home twice a year, that means you'll only see her 30 more times in the lifetime..Will it be enough?"

And suddenly, I felt my chest tighten. Because my mother is 71 this year...

click the title to read more..

The truth is my relationship with my mother has never been simple. Growing up, we argued a lot. We were rarely on the same page. Being raised by a single mother, she is the only parent that I have. So it was very tough for me. There were years when we barely spoke at all. Thats also why I sometimes feel relieved I don't have a daughter. I remember how difficult I was as a teenager and honestly I don't know if I can handle a mini version of myself either. 

But things changed after I become a mother. My mother initially gave an ultimatum that she cannot help me during confinement period and wont be able to take care of my children. But the moment I gave birth to my twins, she showed up at my door everyday. I guess she loves her grandchildren deeply. I mean..who doesn't love babies, right..twins just double the joy. So she would come over, care for them and automatically me too, helped around the house, doing little things nobody asks her to do.

Fast forward a decade later, she is the one who helps send and pick up the twins from school.

Yesterday, after I came home from work, I noticed the books in the room were arranged so neatly. So I asked the twins, "Wow, who tidied all these books? Is it Kakak?" referring to the cleaner that I hired the day before.

Then my husband answered from the other room, "Mak yang kemas".

And I don't know why, but that touched me deeply. Sometimes thats how I know she has been at the house, things quietly become neater. The blanket folded. The kitchen organised. The books stacked nicely. Maybe love is not always loud conversations or tight hugs. Maybe sometimes love looks like a mother quietly caring in the only way she knows how.

My son asked, "Is Embah OCD?". 

God, children nowadays. I only know the term OCD when I entered medical school. 

I laughed. 

No that's just who she is. Someone who finds comfort putting things in order. And the funny thing is..I inherited that trait from her too. (And sadly, some of her illness as well. Now we share medications ;p)

Lately, I keep thinking I should visit her more often while I still can. Our houses are only walking distance apart (but I still choose to drive tho), yet life somehow keeps getting in between work, children, exhaustion, routines and responsibilities. But..that shouldn't be an excuse, isn't it?

We always assume there will be more time..But the older my parents get, the more I realize time is no longer something guaranteed..

Hmm..

Then, I shared the quotes to all my bestfriends. So they can be as sad as me. And if today they go visit their parents or call them, I hope I will get pahala for that :)

Lastly, Happy Mothers Day Mak and me!

My sweet boys always made me card for special days.