The Makcik Era

This morning, I had a banana and oats for breakfast. 

Not nasi lemak. Not roti canai. 

BANANA and OAT.

Who is this girl?  Eh, sorry.. Who is this woman?

click the title if you wanna read the long post

Early this year, I woke up one morning and realised..This is the year I turn f… fo…I can’t even say it properly.

...

FORTY... 

There. I said it.

I’m stepping into...the makcik era. 

Officially an “old woman.” And NGL it makes me a little sad. Maybe more than a little. Because there’s no undo button for this. No way to rewind to my youth. No one will casually saying, “Nah, you’re still young” . Well, unless they’re my 80 year old patients.

And suddenly, I miss my twenties. I miss feeling young. Fun. Carefree. Irresponsible.. ok maybe not irresponsible..just free of responsibility. That’s how I ended up at this blog this year.  

At first I came back to this blog to remind myself how it was to be young. Searching for memories worth to reminisce. And yes… some of it was. Some memories still make me smile. The friendships, the adventures, the little moments that felt so big. I loved my university life and my housemanship period. Life felt so liberating back then.

As I kept reading I realised there was also a version of me trying to survive life. Trying to make sense of things, move on and forget. I started to remember things I didn’t expect to feel again. And suddenly, the blog didn’t just feel “fun” anymore. They felt heavy in a way I had forgotten. I look at old posts, old comments, old versions of myself and I cringe. Hard. The things I wrote. The things I felt. The way I reacted. Girl… you needed therapy.

And then there’s this quiet, sad realization. I’m no longer friends with most of the people in those memories. No fights. No big drama. Just…distance. As time passed, we grew apart. And somehow, that hurts in a softer but deeper way. 

But maybe the biggest realization of all is I didn’t just find joy in those old posts. I found things I didn’t want to carry with me anymore. That was when I decided to delete them. All those posts. Gone. At first it felt right. Like closing a chapter.

But then my best friend said,

“You shouldn’t have deleted the posts. Instead, you should keep writing now. So you can compare yourself then and now.”

And I was like…Okay, that’s actually a good point.

She said, “Yeah, you can compare how cringe you were back then compared to now ><.”

Me: 🐷  and I’ll come back here again at 60, and compare how cringe i will be at 60 and now. Because let’s be real, cringe is probably just part of me and I should embrace it.

Maybe I should make a whole series of me figuring out my forties as I go, something like a documentary on My Makcik Era. Should I?

To the woman who eats banana and oat in the morning,

Growth is inevitable. Ready or not, it's coming. It's okay to miss the past. But you are where you're supposed to be. It's not just a number. It's a threshold. Or think of it as promotion. “Congrats, you've leveled up.. lol"

So here I am.

Same person. New decade.

Lets see how this version of me turn out.

I have changed the font and colors of the text to be something more makcik-friendly, easier on the eyes this day ;p